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The only solution was a space battle.
Upon hearing the news I had no choice other than to flee the planet. Fortunately, I didn’t go through with the sale on my second home on Tortilliana so I gave myself a metaphorical pat on the back while hopping into my Turbo Astral Cruise Operator and bid Earth a temporary goodbye.

The trip wasn’t long, but I worked up a serious appetite on the way over. My TACO was running out of gas anyway so I stopped at an Arco and walked into the store while the pump was filling up. It would be a stretch to say I was excited for any of the food the gas station was about to offer me, but I stopped in my tracks the second I cleared the entryway.

A Taco Bell.

This Arco station had a Taco Bell. My heart leapt and I acrobatically danced around the aisles of Doritos and Hostess Fruit Pies while the other patrons formed a choir cheering me on. Some four minutes later I was the proud owner of twenty-two crunchy tacos. It was in the middle of my fifth taco that I heard the chime of the entryway door. I directed my attention to the front and recognized the man approaching, it was my greatest friend from Tortilliana; he looked concerned.

“Jerry, what are you doing here?” I asked him.

“I found out who’s behind this. Oh, this isn’t good, this isn’t good.”

“Hold up Jerry, slow down. Who are you talking about?”

“It’s the Grin Man.”

Instinctively, my head clasped to my forehead. Not him.

“The Grin Man said,” he continued. “NO tacos for two weeks starting in January.”

“Can he do that?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t true.

“He can.”

We stood in silence for a few minutes while I ate the rest of my tacos.

“I think we’re going to have to do a space battle,” I said plainly.

“But how will you know how to find him? No one knows where to find the Grin Man … his identity is so secret!”

“I know where to find the Grin Man,” I responded.

The funny thing about finding the Grin Man is that it’s incredibly hard unless you know what you’re doing. He rarely is found in the same place twice, but the Grin Man doesn’t actually choose where he goes … there’s a method by which you can find out where the Grin Man will be before even he knows.

Standing in the cockpit of a state-of-the-art Tortilliana Assault Cruiser Omega 6, I led a magnificent fleet towards a gigantic Cuisinart 1000 Watt Pressure Cooker floating in space. The thing must have been the size of a planet and definitely cut down the cooking time of everything that went inside it by 70%. In tow I had 4 squadrons of TACO-3 ships, known for their speed, 2 squadrons of TACO-5s and even a handful of TACO-10s. The Grin Man was about to get a serious dosage of taco.

I sent the TACO-3s in first for the initial assault while the TACO-10s provided covering fire from a distance. Right on schedule, the Grin Man arrived. While finding him is easy, don’t be fooled; just because you can find him doesn’t mean you can beat him. He was caught off guard by the all-out taco attack, sure, but he made quick work of nearly all the TACO-3s.

“No tacos!” he shouted, downing ship after ship while the Cuisinart Pressure Cooker pumped 1000 watts of power into some potatoes.

Angered, the Grin Man went on the offensive and took down over half of the TACO-5s. Unwilling to send more honest men to the front lines, I sent the final command over the communications link.

“Retreat to the Taco Bell!”

Swiftly we made it to the eating establishment and barricaded ourselves inside.

“What are we going to do?” one young taco asked me.

“I’m not sure,” I said as I paced back and forth throughout the room. I spotted a platter of tacos on the counter so I took the opportunity to refuel myself.

“What we need to do,” I began. “Is go back to that Cuisinart Pressure Cooker and watch it cook some potatoes again. That was awesome.”

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Condition: Factory Recertified
Packaging: Box
Warranty: 90 Day
Brand: Cuisinart
Model: CPC-600

Product Features:
•    6-quart capacity
•    Reduces cooking time by 70%
•    Push button controls
•    Easy to read display
•    Precision thermostat
•    Settings for pressure cooking, browning, simmering, sauteing and warming
•    Timer
•    Cool-touch handles
•    Nonstick
•    Dishwasher safe
•    Measures 12-1/5 by 12-1/5 by 13-1/5 inches
•    LED countdown display
•    Brushed stainless steel

What You Get:
•    Cuisinart Pressure Cooker CPC-600