Daily Steals - One Deal a Day!

Wine Bottle Stow-Away Umbrella with Waterproof Carrying Case (Choice of 5 Colors)

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0500

You’re ready for a party! Wait, no …
When my best friend from my prison days contacted me, I was genuinely excited. Prison is one of those places that change people. You have to be careful who you keep as friends, but you can make some lasting relationships there if you play your cards right.

“Hey!” Paul said when I opened my front door. He was holding what looked like a bottle of wine.

“Looks like you’re ready for a party!” I said.

“Oh, no, this is the Wine Bottle Stow-Away Umbrella. It just looks like a bottle of wine.”

“Oh …”

“Yeah, I stopped drinking long ago … that’s kind of what led to me going to prison in the first place.”

“Oh …”

---

Condition: New
Packaging: Retail
Warranty: 1 Year
Brand: Trademark

Product Features:
•    Looks like a wine bottle when inside case
•    Stylish and functional
•    Full-sized umbrella
•    Compact carrying case
•    No-drip mess with case
•    Strap for hanging bottle
•    Case dimensions: 2 x 2 x 12 inches
•    Umbrella (open) dimensions: 38 x 38 x 23.5 inches

What You Get:
•    Wine Bottle Stow-Away Umbrella (Choice of Yellow, Pink, Red, Black with Flowers, Black with Words)
•    Carrying Case

Thinner by Conair Brushed Aluminum Glass Digital Bathroom Scale with Large LCD Display - Up to 400lb Capacity

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0500

Are you saying I’m fat?
What was supposed to be a simple get together turned sour. Abigail, my lifelong friend of the past 4 months, had given me a Thinner by Conair Digital Glass Bathroom Scale.

“Are you saying I’m fat?” I demanded to know.

“No … you were talking about buying a scale yesterday and I found this on sale … I thought you would like it.”

“This is ridiculous … you’re saying I’m fat!”

“No I’m not! I’d never say that about you!”

“Well I’m not fat! So don’t call me fat!”

“I didn’t call you fat!”

“Then why did you buy me this scale?”

“I bought you this scale because just yesterday you looked at me and said, ‘Gee, I sure wish I had a scale that had a safety glass platform.’”

I paused for a second.

“This platform is made of safety glass?”

“Yeah …”

“Well why didn’t you say so? This is awesome!”

---

Condition: New
Packaging: Retail
Warranty: 1 Year
Brand: Conair
Model: TH315

Product Features:
•    Brushed aluminum wave design
•    Tempered safety glass platform
•    Stylish
•    Extra-large 1.5” digital display
•    11.8” x 13.9”
•    400 pound capacity
•    Displays weight in 0.2-pound increments
•    Long-life lithium battery

What You Get:
•    Thinner by Conair Digital Bathroom Scale

Snap-On Folding Work Knife and Carbine Blade Sharpener Combo with Slip Resistant Grip

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0500

She didn't take her eyes off him.
The kitchen was completely silent except for a single repetitive scraping noise. Bernice sat motionless in a chair, locking her eyes on the man in front of her. The noise came from the man using a Snap-On Premium Grade Knife and Sharpener Combo. The man smiled at her as he maniacally dragged a knife against the metal.

A lot was going through Bernice's mind at the time. She wanted some peanut M&Ms later. She wanted to fly in space with an octopus. She wanted to marry an octopus. She wanted surgery to turn her into an octopus. She wanted a kosher hot dog.

Seemingly finished sharpening his knife, the man stepped away from the device and slowly walked toward Bernice, dragging his lame right foot behind him. He stood next to her and held the knife up high, bringing it down swiftly to cut the carrots on the table next to her.

---

Condition: New
Packaging: Retail
Warranty: Lifetime Great American Tool Company
Brand: Snap-On
Model: 5230 (Knife Sharpener); 5120 (Folding Work Knife)

Product Features:

Sharpener:
•    Easy to Use: Quickly sharpens all sizes of plain-edge kitchen, sport and utility cutlery
•    Premium grade, replaceable tungsten carbine sharpening bits
•    ABS body with Kraton slip resistant grip
•    Total length: 5.375"

Folding Work Knife:
•    Easy to Use: One hand open, one hand close
•    Strong construction yet lightweight
•    440 stainless steel, specialty blade provides razor sharp edge and durability
•    Anodized aluminum handle is corrosion and rust resistant
•    Easy to re-sharpen
•    Over-sized lanyard hole
•    Teflon coating on the blade provides a corrosion resistant finish
•    Finished with a chrome steel, Teflon covered pocket clip
•    Blade Length: 2.25"
•    Overall length: 6.25"

What You Get:
•    Snap-On Folding Work Knife
•    Snap-On Carbine Blade Sharpener

Energizer 1-Watt LED Metal Flashlight with Non-Slip Rubber Grip

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0500

Come on … just a little further …
A dream had finally come true; I was a contestant on my favorite game show, Snails. I’d been watching the show for years and mailed in a letter with my name, address, phone number and age after watching every single episode of the daily show. Now, I was one of those contestants, and I was hoping to win the big prize.

As you probably already know, on Snails you let a snail roam around on the game board for five minutes and you win the prize written on the tile on which it rests at the end. Prizes ranged from an Energizer LED Flashlight, a new car, and an all-expenses-paid trip to Syria.

I held my breath for the entire five minutes, waiting in anticipation of the snail. As the timer ran out, the snail just crossed the line into Snail Hug.

“Awww, not Snail Hug!”

---

Condition: New
Packaging: Retail
Warranty: Lifetime Energizer
Brand: Energizer
Model: ML1W2AAE

Product Features:
•    Durable Aluminum body minimized damage from dropping and abuse
•    Lifetime LED Light source reduces battery consumption, giving bright illumination at an economical operating cost
•    Non-Slip rubber grip is easy to hold on to
•    Includes 2 AA batteries
• 1-Watt 45 lumens

What You Get:
•    Energizer LED Flashlight
•    2 AA Batteries
•    Lanyard

Dial-A-Drink Stainless Steel 750mL Cocktail Shaker with Drink Recipes

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0500

We toasted in a hot air balloon.
Memories came rushing back as I picked up a photograph taken on my trip to South America. That was the first time I had ever gone anywhere with Bernice, a monkey. She worked with me at the Taco Bell and spoke English with amazing eloquence. She was excited to introduce me to her monkey family and friends.

When we arrived, Bernice led me into the forest and after a long hike we came across a large community of monkeys. Bernice spoke to them in monkey talk and I stood by awkwardly trying to look like I fit in; no one else spoke English. The way the conversation looked made me feel as if her family was not open-minded to a human spending time in their village. When Bernice turned back to me, I realized that was not the case.

“This isn’t my family, these monkeys have taken over their village,” Bernice said to me in a panic.

I determined quickly that we weren’t in a good situation. Thankfully, I found a crystal on the ground that enabled me to shoot down all the evil monkeys one by one. Honestly, it wasn’t that hard, but I attribute that less to my skill and more to the fact that as a human I had an inherent advantage.

After the dust settled, I looked into Bernice’s eyes and fell in love with her. The feeling was mutual and we rode away in a hot air balloon. We made a drink with the Dial-A-Drink Stainless Steel 750mL Cocktail Shaker and flew home.

“Ah memories,” I said to myself as I put down the photograph. “Or wait … did I use the cocktail shaker to make drinks AFTER or BEFORE that all happened?”

---

Condition: New
Packaging: Hassle-Free
Warranty: 1 Year

Product Features:
•    Recipes inked into side
•    750mL capacity
•    Stainless steel
•    Use to make drinks
•    Please drink responsibly

What You Get:
•    Dial-A-Drink Stainless Steel 750mL Cocktail Shaker

As Seen on TV Euro-Pro Dressmaker II Sewing Center with Pedal and 100pc Accessory Kit

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0500

I was almost ready to go.
Today I had big plans. Big big plans. You know what kind of plans I'm talking about; the kind that you would describe using the word 'big' twice in a row. If I was speaking to you in person I would have said it waving my arms around in the air like I'm being attacked by a swarm of bees or children.

Anyway, I was very excited for the events I had on the docket for the day. Just the night before I finished a project that was a long time in the making: I installed a gun turret on the roof of my house. When any of my neighbors asked me what I was doing, I merely replied that I was hooking up my new satellite dish. Of course, as soon as they turned around, I rubbed my hands together manically, satisfied that I had them all fooled.

“If that's a satellite dish, why does it look like a gun turret?” Susie, my least favorite neighbor, asked me one day.

“It's a prototype,” I responded, practically ignoring her.

So my plans for the day were to go up on my roof and use the finished gun turret to shoot down helicopters and destroy tanks. It would be like a video game. I was nearly out the door to grab my ladder when I ripped my pants.

“Shoot!” I yelled out to myself. “I ripped my pants!”

Fortunately, I had the Euro-Pro Dressmaker II so I fixed it up right away. With that done, I went up to the roof and manned the turret. It didn't work.

---

Condition: Factory Recertified
Packaging: Retail
Warranty: 90 Day
Brand: Euro-Pro
Model: 1100

Product Features:
•    Pre-threaded and ready to use
•    Simple and compact
•    Thread-tension knob
•    Adjustable stitch length
•    Reverse sewing option
•    2 speeds
•    Built-in light
•    100pc accessory kit included
     o    10 spools of thread
     o    20 threaded bobbins
     o    30 needles
     o    12 buttons
     o    12 snaps
     o    10 head pins
     o    Thimble
     o    Threader
     o    Scissor
     o    Measuring tape
     o    Seam ripper
     o    Storage bag
•    Use AC power or 4 AA batteries (not included)
•    Perfect for beginners
•    Includes pedal

What You Get:
•    Euro-Pro Dressmaker II Sewing Center
•    100pc Accessory Kit

FFS - Black & Decker Dual-Action Hedge Trimmer with 20" Blade

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0500

Wow … that’s a nice hedge!
I walked out my front door and saw my neighbor hard at work trimming his hedges. This surprised me because he had been the talk of the block with how unsightly his gigantic, out of control hedges looked. They were disheveled and nearly 15 feet tall. My first thought was that he had overheard one of us talking about him, but upon closer inspection I realized that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

He was trimming his hedges to resemble the statues of the moai, just like the ones on Easter Island. The representations were surprisingly accurate, with every detail carved with such precision you might wonder if he was a descendant of the island-folk.

“Hey there!” he called out to me. I walked over to tell him how much I liked his hedges.

“How are you doing this?” I asked.

“With the Black & Decker Corded Dual-Action Hedge Trimmer!”

“That’s incredible!”

“Yeah, now you can talk about this behind my back instead of how gross my lawn looks!”

---

Condition: New
Packaging: Retail
Warranty: 2 Year Black & Decker
Brand: Black & Decker
Model: HT20

Product Features:
•    Dual action blades cut branches faster and easier with 40% less vibration
•    20" Blade for extended reach and even cutting
•    Pre-hardened, rust resistant steel blades
•    Powerful motor for superior cutting performance
•    3/4" Cutting capacity
•    Three-sided comfort handle provides larger gripping area for comfort and control
•    Lock-on switch for continuous running
•    Amps: 3.8 Amps
•    Cutting Strokes/Min: 3,400
•    Plug for extension cord

What You Get:
•    Black & Decker Hedge Trimmer

New Balance Mesh Reflective Safety Vest with Adjustable Fit and 360 Degree Visibility

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0500

He just … didn’t … see him.
Everyone’s head turned as braking tires screeched on the asphalt of a busy intersection. Young Herman Fandango, aged 22, was riding his bike at night without any kind of visibility device. The driver of the car wasn’t able to see Herman until it was too late and they had collided. People gasped and others screamed.

Herman was propelled forward with such force that he broke the ozone layer and ascended into space. The young, reckless cyclist soon found himself lost in space for a period of four months before crash landing on the planet Gormex. He had to sell his bicycle in order to get by, but Herman ended up fitting in with Gormexian society rather well. Since the native beings of the planet didn’t have arms, he began a lucrative career in manual labor.

Of course, you may scoff at his choice, but Herman worked only as much as he desired. As the sole possessor of arms, he determined his own hours and set his price as high as he wanted. Herman quickly became the most sought after worker in all of Gormex, subsequently leading to a highly publicized nightlife. He married the top actress and they had a litter of subhumans together.

None of this would have been possible, however, if he had bought the New Balance Mesh Reflective Safety Vest and avoided being hit by that car.

---

Condition: New
Packaging: Retail
Warranty: 1 Year New Balance
Brand: New Balance
Model: 52012NB

Product Features:
•    Make sure you’re seen at night
•    360° visibility
•    Breathable mesh construction
•    Velcro fasten
•    Adjustable fit
•    One size fits most

What You Get:
•    New Balance Reflective Vest

Sleeper Electronic Crib Rocker Automatically Rocks Crib After 4 Seconds of Crying!

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0500

Finally … relaxation.
The Robinsons recently brought their first child into the world, a daughter named Chemise, but they each needed to keep both their jobs in order to afford a decent life for her. Unwilling to send her to day care, the Robinsons opted to take a different approach: they hired RoboNanny.

“I. Am. RoboNanny. I. Am. Happy. To. Take. Care. Of. Your. Child.”

Everything went very well at first, with RoboNanny using its Kidometer to read little Chemise’s mind in order to meet her needs. RoboNanny even cooked dinner for when the Robinsons returned home and shut down for the rest of the night to allow the Robinsons the joy of taking care of their child.

The arrangement took a turn for the worse, however, when RoboNanny lost both its arms in an accident with the lawnmower. Unfortunately, RoboNanny’s Kidometer told it that Chemise wanted nothing more to see a robot lose both its arms while juggling lawnmowers. No one ever found out if the Kidometer was malfunctioning or not, as Chemise was too young and RoboNanny only has 43 pre-programmed responses.

Fortunately, RoboNanny had the good sense to pick up a Sleeper Electronic Crib Rocker, which automatically rocks a crib after hearing only four seconds of crying. With this, the armless RoboNanny was able to get Chemise to sleep. No dinner though.

---

Condition: New
Packaging: Retail
Warranty: 1 Year
Brand: Guri

Product Features:
•    Voice activated – rocks crib after 4 seconds of crying
•    Adjustable strength for a gentle rock on any crib
•    Allows you to rest easy while your baby is sleeping
•    Rocking is gentle and smooth
•    Stops after 5 minutes, but remains ready to be reactivated
•    Can also be set for continuous rocking
•    Easily fastens to all types of rungs
•    Tested and completely safe for use
•    Please note: black foam piece inside must be removed
•    Requires 4 D batteries (not included)

What You Get:
•    Sleeper Electronic Crib Rocker

George Foreman 3 in 1 Panini Press, Grill & Griddle with 4 Removable Plates and 85 Sq. Inch Cooking Surface

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0500

I lurked in the shadows until the right moment.
Everyone loves superheroes. Well, everyone that matters loves superheroes. I knew a person once that told me he didn't love superheroes, that he only thought they were average at best; he went on to live out a meaningless existence. I saw him again one day, but not as myself. No, the next time I saw him, I was under the guise of my other identity. Born out of the rubble of an unhealthy grill that burned a heightened sense of grilling necessity into my brain, I am the RoboGriller.

With a power generator strapped to my back, I connect it to my George Foreman Panini Press, Grill & Griddle. My costume resembles a cardboard box robot costume you might see a small child construct for Halloween. It's a little bulky, but my drive to do go in the world far outweighs any actual weight put upon my body. Super strength is not one of my super powers, but it's mind over matter anyway.

In the dark corner of a Subway, I see someone walk into the store, ready to eat fresh. I watched as she ordered an Italian BMT and things seemed to go well until the Subway employee asks the girl if she wanted her sandwich toasted. I could see the look in her eyes; they told me that she didn't want her sandwich toasted in that microwave, but that she didn't want it cold either. I waited for her to pay and leave the line before making my move.

As soon as the sandwich was paid for and handed over, I lunged out from the darkness and slammed the George Foreman Panini Press onto the sandwich, grilling it perfectly on both sides.

“What the hell?” she exclaimed.

“No need to thank me, that's not why I do this,” I responded, both my hands on my hips.

“Thank you? That grill just fused this plastic bag to my sandwich!” the girl yelled back as I ran out of the store, off to help another person find perfection through grilling.

---

Condition: New
Packaging: Retail
Warranty: 1 Year
Brand: George Foreman
Model: GR0742S

Product Features:
•    3-in-1 versatility
•    85 square inch cooking surface
•    Room for up to 2, full-sized stuffed Panini
•    Double the cooking surface when you open the top plate flat to grill or griddle for the whole family
•    4 removable plates – 2 grill plates and 2 griddle plates
•    Adjustable slope lets fat drain away from food as you cook or lays the plates flat for even cooking on Panini and griddle foods
•    Nonstick coating
•    Large floating hinge adjusts automatically to the thickness of your food for stuffed Panini and thicker cuts of meat
•    Variable temperature control
•    Integrated removable drip tray
•    All removable parts are dishwasher safe

What You Get:
•    George Foreman Panini Press, Grill & Griddle
•    2 Grill Plates
•    2 Griddle Plates